They Still Need Me

I can not even begin to describe the guilt I feel when (yes when) I get mad because my littlest won't stay in bed. And then there are nights like tonight where she just wants to "wock" (rock) in her chair with me. She usually wants to play a little but she does so with a whisper so I let her for a little while at least. Some nights I just can't muster the energy...most nights I make myself. Because I have learned that time truly flies when you are raising little ones. Pregnancy felt like it would never end...their childhoods feel like they're flying by. I try to enjoy every moment knowing that it will pass too soon and yet I fail some nights (and days for that matter) justifying it to myself by saying "You've done more than enough for the day" but still the guilt sets in at night, sitting here in the quiet. I like the quiet and sometimes I need the quiet. Raising a child is not about my needs though...I gave up that right, right?! I feel like every day is a constant battle to do everything I can for them while still making time for me...and my husband. Unfortunately, I fall short every day. Every day I am left wondering where I went wrong and why I am unable to do everything I feel like I should. The funny thing is that I am the only one who sees these shortcomings. And so I obsess even more. How am I so good at hiding my feelings and deficiencies from those closest to me? And why do I?

Both of my kids have different ways of letting me know that I am needed...and wanted. Sometimes emotions fly and/or voices are raised. Other times, cuddles and kisses are given with no strings attached on either end. Both methods get my attention although that attention looks different. You'd think being in a behavioral field that I would have it all under control but I don't. It's hard to be objective when it's your kid and you are in charge of their happiness and childhood and everything good (and bad) is because of you. It's a lot of pressure...A LOT! It's totally worth it but stressful and anxiety-inducing nonetheless. However, at the end of the day, all that really matters is my kids and husband know that I have tried my best...because I have.

Holy Wow!!

I was sitting here reading someone else's blog post (because I have nothing else to do *sarcasm*) and started thinking about how I haven't written a post in a while.  I looked back to my blog and saw that it has been almost a year - A YEAR!! Holy smokes have my kiddos grown in that amount of time!! So here is a rundown of things that have happened...

Bucky started 2nd grade

Playtime in the pool

Kira turned 2!

BJJ tournament

Our first NFL game

Gamma and Grandaddy came for snuggles 

Halloween

Soccer

Thanksgiving

Home for Christmas

Geocaching

 Easter in Tucson

Independence Day 2014

On July 4th we went to Bisbee for the day. Bisbee is a cool little mining town with a lot of exploration within walking distance. We saw adults mining (trying to at least) and kids filling wheelbarrows with sand to try and beat records. We ate lunch at The Table and just enjoyed the day...until meltdown began. At night, we went to the local ball fields to watch the fireworks. Their appearance was iffy all day due to the weather but it ended up being a great show. 

My little Photog

Letting us know she wants OUT!

The Table

Feeding sis some ice cream.

Sweet boy!

Father and son

Mom and daughter

Watching the show. You can tell the humidity by the curls :).

Jiujitsu Competition

This past weekend we traveled to Phoenix to watch Bucky's first jiujitsu match. We have been very fortunate to have found a gym here that works for us. The instructors are fantastic and Bucky has grown so much in this sport since beginning here. When he found out his friend, B, was going to compete, he decided that he would like to be in it as well. He lost his first match 2-0 but he got his nerves out and realized these folks weren't playing around. He won his second match 10-0. Not only did he win in points but we could tell he had learned from the first match and was much more aggressive on his second go. He was very proud of himself as were we :).

Bucky's friend, B 

Guard

Sliding out

Completing a throw

Mount and checking with coaches

Trying an arm bar

The winning smile

Cheering for Bubby

And...she's spent

Group Photo of the kids who competed and coaches

Finally...A Birthday Party

We postponed Bucky's birthday party this year because Buck was TDY at the time of his actual birthday. It worked out better all around because sports were over and so was school. Less things to plan around means more fun! We had it in our grassless backyard so skipped setting up the Slip-N-Slide for fear of a kiddo getting hurt on the hard ground underneath. We did however opt to buy some squirters and a sprinkler (that sucked and was promptly returned to the store). The kids all seemed to have a good time, especially the birthday boy!

Fill Up Time

Who can spray the highest?

Getting thirsty

Hmmmm....

Cake time

7 Balloons for the birthday boy

One of the many gifts he received

End of Coach Pitch

Bucky's end of the season party was at his coach's house. The kids received their award, baseball signed by all their teammates, and some baseball cards from the coach. This was followed by fun times in the pool.

Park Playtime

The kids and I joined our friends for some park playtime. We all had a fun morning!