They Still Need Me

I can not even begin to describe the guilt I feel when (yes when) I get mad because my littlest won't stay in bed. And then there are nights like tonight where she just wants to "wock" (rock) in her chair with me. She usually wants to play a little but she does so with a whisper so I let her for a little while at least. Some nights I just can't muster the energy...most nights I make myself. Because I have learned that time truly flies when you are raising little ones. Pregnancy felt like it would never end...their childhoods feel like they're flying by. I try to enjoy every moment knowing that it will pass too soon and yet I fail some nights (and days for that matter) justifying it to myself by saying "You've done more than enough for the day" but still the guilt sets in at night, sitting here in the quiet. I like the quiet and sometimes I need the quiet. Raising a child is not about my needs though...I gave up that right, right?! I feel like every day is a constant battle to do everything I can for them while still making time for me...and my husband. Unfortunately, I fall short every day. Every day I am left wondering where I went wrong and why I am unable to do everything I feel like I should. The funny thing is that I am the only one who sees these shortcomings. And so I obsess even more. How am I so good at hiding my feelings and deficiencies from those closest to me? And why do I?

Both of my kids have different ways of letting me know that I am needed...and wanted. Sometimes emotions fly and/or voices are raised. Other times, cuddles and kisses are given with no strings attached on either end. Both methods get my attention although that attention looks different. You'd think being in a behavioral field that I would have it all under control but I don't. It's hard to be objective when it's your kid and you are in charge of their happiness and childhood and everything good (and bad) is because of you. It's a lot of pressure...A LOT! It's totally worth it but stressful and anxiety-inducing nonetheless. However, at the end of the day, all that really matters is my kids and husband know that I have tried my best...because I have.

Holy Wow!!

I was sitting here reading someone else's blog post (because I have nothing else to do *sarcasm*) and started thinking about how I haven't written a post in a while.  I looked back to my blog and saw that it has been almost a year - A YEAR!! Holy smokes have my kiddos grown in that amount of time!! So here is a rundown of things that have happened...

Bucky started 2nd grade

Playtime in the pool

Kira turned 2!

BJJ tournament

Our first NFL game

Gamma and Grandaddy came for snuggles 

Halloween

Soccer

Thanksgiving

Home for Christmas

Geocaching

 Easter in Tucson

Jiujitsu Competition

This past weekend we traveled to Phoenix to watch Bucky's first jiujitsu match. We have been very fortunate to have found a gym here that works for us. The instructors are fantastic and Bucky has grown so much in this sport since beginning here. When he found out his friend, B, was going to compete, he decided that he would like to be in it as well. He lost his first match 2-0 but he got his nerves out and realized these folks weren't playing around. He won his second match 10-0. Not only did he win in points but we could tell he had learned from the first match and was much more aggressive on his second go. He was very proud of himself as were we :).

Bucky's friend, B 

Guard

Sliding out

Completing a throw

Mount and checking with coaches

Trying an arm bar

The winning smile

Cheering for Bubby

And...she's spent

Group Photo of the kids who competed and coaches

Finally...A Birthday Party

We postponed Bucky's birthday party this year because Buck was TDY at the time of his actual birthday. It worked out better all around because sports were over and so was school. Less things to plan around means more fun! We had it in our grassless backyard so skipped setting up the Slip-N-Slide for fear of a kiddo getting hurt on the hard ground underneath. We did however opt to buy some squirters and a sprinkler (that sucked and was promptly returned to the store). The kids all seemed to have a good time, especially the birthday boy!

Fill Up Time

Who can spray the highest?

Getting thirsty

Hmmmm....

Cake time

7 Balloons for the birthday boy

One of the many gifts he received

He's 7!!

Even though this post is a month after, I still can't believe my 8 lb, 8 oz little boy turned 7 last month. We are a little behind in throwing him a party but I still did what I could to make his day special. He got to open his gifts from his gamma and grandaddy and his great-grandmother. Later, he received a few cards in the mail and opened them. It's so great and rewarding watching and hearing him read his own birthday cards. He really is a smart little boy (I get to call him that because he's mine). He opened our gifts later in the day. Even though his daddy was TDY (the reason for the party postponement) he was able to call and talk with him about all of his birthday excitement. We had a busy day between the gifts, baseball game, and a friend's birthday party but I think he still felt special :).

Saints Mini Mites

B played his first season of Football this year. He was on the Saints mini mites team. For it being his first year, he did great! He was scared at first and still sometimes during. Can you blame him? We had the smallest team out there! He really enjoyed it and said he wants to play again next year. Buck was stateside and was able to coach the team. Good thing since the Head Coach was late pretty much every time and didn't even make it to the last game (great example Coach!), but Buck and the other two coaches took over and did a wonderful job!

Picture Day

Practicing with Pads

First Game

Down, Set, Hike!!

Defending his territory

Fumble Recovery!

Chasing the Ball

Waiting for the game

Cheering for Bubby!

Captain for the Game

Picture Day

While everyone seemed to be sending their kiddos to school for the first day, we were getting ready for Fall pictures. We always practice a little before school because, well, I want pictures I don't have to spend a bazillion bucks to have. I do buy a package anyway because he's cute but the photographers don't take the time they did when he was in Preschool. 

Couldn't help but laugh :)

He wanted one with lil sis in it as well

(This one is going on my wall)

"Mama, Can I...

...change Kira's diaper?" "Absolutely, son." So I took pictures. He was doing a wonderful job carefully wiping her area to make sure it was clean and getting the diaper ready, so I turned my back for less than a minute...and then..."MAMA - SHE PEED ON ME!!" You can imagine the laughter that came from this mama :D. He didn't think it was funny but he still took it in stride. I had to finish changing her because he wouldn't go near her after that but he still gave it a good try.

Wiping her down

Stretches while she waits for the diaper