They Still Need Me

I can not even begin to describe the guilt I feel when (yes when) I get mad because my littlest won't stay in bed. And then there are nights like tonight where she just wants to "wock" (rock) in her chair with me. She usually wants to play a little but she does so with a whisper so I let her for a little while at least. Some nights I just can't muster the energy...most nights I make myself. Because I have learned that time truly flies when you are raising little ones. Pregnancy felt like it would never end...their childhoods feel like they're flying by. I try to enjoy every moment knowing that it will pass too soon and yet I fail some nights (and days for that matter) justifying it to myself by saying "You've done more than enough for the day" but still the guilt sets in at night, sitting here in the quiet. I like the quiet and sometimes I need the quiet. Raising a child is not about my needs though...I gave up that right, right?! I feel like every day is a constant battle to do everything I can for them while still making time for me...and my husband. Unfortunately, I fall short every day. Every day I am left wondering where I went wrong and why I am unable to do everything I feel like I should. The funny thing is that I am the only one who sees these shortcomings. And so I obsess even more. How am I so good at hiding my feelings and deficiencies from those closest to me? And why do I?

Both of my kids have different ways of letting me know that I am needed...and wanted. Sometimes emotions fly and/or voices are raised. Other times, cuddles and kisses are given with no strings attached on either end. Both methods get my attention although that attention looks different. You'd think being in a behavioral field that I would have it all under control but I don't. It's hard to be objective when it's your kid and you are in charge of their happiness and childhood and everything good (and bad) is because of you. It's a lot of pressure...A LOT! It's totally worth it but stressful and anxiety-inducing nonetheless. However, at the end of the day, all that really matters is my kids and husband know that I have tried my best...because I have.

Park Playtime

The kids and I joined our friends for some park playtime. We all had a fun morning!

He's 7!!

Even though this post is a month after, I still can't believe my 8 lb, 8 oz little boy turned 7 last month. We are a little behind in throwing him a party but I still did what I could to make his day special. He got to open his gifts from his gamma and grandaddy and his great-grandmother. Later, he received a few cards in the mail and opened them. It's so great and rewarding watching and hearing him read his own birthday cards. He really is a smart little boy (I get to call him that because he's mine). He opened our gifts later in the day. Even though his daddy was TDY (the reason for the party postponement) he was able to call and talk with him about all of his birthday excitement. We had a busy day between the gifts, baseball game, and a friend's birthday party but I think he still felt special :).

Mother's Day

The kids and I headed up to Tucson to spend the day with Natalie and her kiddos. We enjoyed the day at the Children's Museum and then snacked on some cupcakes to celebrate her daughter's birthday. It was alot of fun for all!

Easter 2014

We celebrated Easter with Buck's cousin and her fam this year. We are fortunate enough to some family nearby even though the Army moved us from the South. It just happened to work out and we are thankful. We didn't have any plans and were invited to come to their house to eat burgers and have the kids participate in an egg hunt. The kids were so cute and it was interesting watching the different ages (19 mos - almost 7) go about it in their own ways. Natalie and I also got to squeeze in a trip to Costco before the festivities began...and we went sans children!

Our Cute Lil Bunny

My Easter Ham

Natalie's Kiddos

Photobomb

Fairy Princess

All the Kiddos

Such a Cutie

Starting the Hunt

Most Recent Family Pic (Thanks Natalie!)

My Spring Babies

We have had off and on good days of weather around here. Not sure if that sentence makes sense but it is what it is.  Finally I got tired of waiting for a perfect day so I took the kiddos outside for some Spring pictures. The clouds were moving rather rapidly so I would get a great picture set up and then the sun was shining brightly and the kids couldn't look at me or near me for that matter :). Oh well...it happens. I had a good time, as always, taking photographs of my little squirts.

Fixing Baby Sister's shirt

We are very lucky to have 2 such wonderful and happy kiddos!

Ab Challenge

A couple of my very good friends and former A Co ladies have joined together to (hopefully) complete this Ab Challenge. We did not design it and it started as a picture posted on FB from one friend to another. It snowballed from there and so far I have stuck to it. In all honesty, today was only the first day :). But I did it! You have to start somewhere, right? And with all of us doing it together, we can motivate, remind, hound, and whatever else is needed to complete this challenge. After this one, I'm thinking the push up challenge may be next :)

I See...

pink and purple in our future. We opened the envelope on the 13th of June and found out we are, in theory, expecting a little girl to join our household in September. Finally! Some more estrogen to help balance out the testosterone! On the ultrasound scan, you can't really tell but the true ultrasound is clear as day. We just wanted to share this wonderful news with everyone...so now you all know :)

Playtime

We recently had some very good friends visit with us during a detour down to Florida. The boys were playing dress up but unfortunately my little guy is much smaller than Jen's "little" guy so he was only able to wear the masks. We are hoping for better weather and to get some pictures of them when they come back by on their way back to Colorado. Anyway, I, on the other hand, fit perfectly into the cowboy costume, except that the vest wasn't even close to meeting in the front and the chaps, yes chaps, were barely being held up by my hand in the back. Bucky enjoyed it so that's all that matters :).

Our Little Superhero

Bucky wanted to go outside and play one day (what a shocker!) and this is how he decided to dress. :)

Museum Goers

After reading a little about things to do around here I decided we needed to take a day trip to Macon to visit the Museum of Arts and Sciences (especially when I saw they had a dinosaur exhibit). I knew that Bucky would love it but had no idea how much. When we got there he went straight for the dinosaurs. Although it was not very impressive, the kiddo had a good time looking at the moving dinosaurs. There was also an activity area where the kids could "dig" for bones, color, and do various other activities. A mini zoo consisted of many, MANY snakes, some monkeys, and other animals. We were all pleasantly surprised to see that there was a planetarium with a presentation about some constellations and how science thinks dinosaurs became extinct. Very cool!

One of the dinosaurs

Digging for bones

Using a microscope

Proof that I was, in fact, there ;)

Pretty bird

Every time I play bubbles with Bucky I can't help but think about the crazy fish on Finding Nemo that stares at the chest waiting for it to open and spit bubbles into the tank. "Bubbles, bubbles...my bubbles." Anyway, he loves blowing them as much as chasing them so it's fun for all involved :).

Getting started

Daddy's Turn

Mama's turn (yes, there is a baby in there)

Racing daddy on the sidewalk